I live a life with happiness, don't worry

I always wanted a life so happy.

My life was happy and I was happy.

I just don't know why I was thinking it was the WORST.

Now You Know.

"I don't know if you really know but it makes me feel SCARED."

This blog is really NOT me. I don't know when did my inner self started spoiling out but I am spoiling everything now, out.

Sunday. 3:58 PM- 01/18/09

I am writing this blog ang I was thinking If he ever knew.
When I was searching for good songs and good chords to play on my guitar (I know how to play a guitar. Yipee!), I happen to sing this song (It just popped on my head):

"I never want to be without you

Oh no, here I go, Now You Know

What I feel about you

There's no runnin'

I must have been wrong to doubt you

Oh no, there I go, NO control

And I'm fallin' so now you know."

Far Away

"Does it always have to be me? Can it be somebody else?!"

I live in a life of choices but each choices ended up the worst. I don't know why it always happen (IT ALWAYS HAPPEN) and I hated it for letting it happen to me.

Today is Saturday. As we all know, Saturday is a day of rest. But for now, it wasn't.

As usual, I woke up late. Eat breakfast. Sleep. Eat again. Play the guitar and listen to my mother shouting from upstairs telling me to clean my room. (I used to throw things everywhere so I am getting used to it).

But this life makes me sick. Why does it have to be so-like-a-jail in here? It's always what they want. How about what I want?

There was this incident that happened to me just this first quarter. I don't want to reiterate it because I was afraid that someone will judge me sooner or later.

So I keep it a secret and it is a very hard secret to keep.

Don't know what's happening.

A week. I had a week but what I did was to let my pride swallow me in.

It was a day in school. A lot nice actually because of good results from Quarterly exams. I thought this would be enough to lift my spirit up because as of this morning, there is really something wrong.

And I want to know it.

It is a shortened period today. Meaning: Lasallians would go out, watch movies and maybe play volleyball at the court and find a really cute Level 6 guy hanging up, talking to his mom and a very adoring Varsity player (Sorry, Quita. He is just SO cute.) But now, we (Audrey, Marianne, Joyce and Owie) searched the shelves of the National Bookstore to find a good book to read. we browsed, sat, talked a lot and get caught by a some kind of a guard. It was fun.

But it wasn't fun enough.

We are going back to school since it is where our service vans were. Not unless someone of us will commute. (But for me, it's impossible). Then I realized how nervous I was (Not common). My heart pounded like giant waves pulling me back. And I know that if I get this nervous, something would happen, A BAD nightmare.

Yep. A BAD nightmare happened. (It's a secret to tell).

And I am SO SAD about it.